


Can I Give Up?_

by TheLordofPhantomhive



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel)
Genre: Oneshot, Vent fic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-25 23:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4981666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLordofPhantomhive/pseuds/TheLordofPhantomhive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this oneshot I pretty much elaborated in Noiz's mind and thoughts in the bad ending of the game. Spoliers for Re:Connect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Give Up?_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually kinda proud of this thing. Not because of the word count, but because of the quality and richness (more or less?) of it. I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> I apologize for the horrible spacing and centralizing. I'm on my iPod, and probably won't have a computer for a while to fix it. This had a lot of Italics but yeah...
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Troublesome Illusions is coming...soon I hope.. I don't know. I'm sorry.

**_》 Press Any Key To Start 《_ **

  
  
  
  
  


_ Do you want to feel even better?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to give up?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to rest?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to sleep?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Can I not wake up?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Can I stop trying?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _Yes _

 

_ Can I stop now?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _Yes _

 

The questions that haunt me every single day. Most times the answer to the last one is the same, and that is exactly what bothers me the most.

 

**_Can I stop trying?_ **

**_Can I stop now?_ **

 

Can I stop trying? Trying to what? Trying to feel something? Trying to understand pain? Trying to understand the pain of others? Should I stop trying that?

 

Or... Or should I stop trying to survive? To live in this rotten world in which no one understands me, and I understand no one.

 

**_Do you want to sleep?_ **

**_Can I not wake up?_ **

 

Am I even able to sleep at this point? Every single night I end up looking at the ceiling, wondering why I'm still here. People say that every life has a meaning, but what is mine? Suffering? Longing to feel something that I am simply incapable of feeling? 

 

**_Can I not wake up?_ **

 

And... If I did manage to sleep, could I not wake up? Could I not wake up in order not to face the reality of this world, the world I was cursed to live in? The world in which not even parents love and look after their children the way they are supposed to? The world in which a parent traps a child in a locked room for years and years, to the point in which he thought it was normal, that no one would care even if he died in there? That no matter how much he called out for help, no one would come to his rescue, because he didn't matter anymore? Because he meant and signified nothing? 

 

**_Do you want to rest?_ **

 

Rest... That sounds like quite the fantasy, doesn't it? Rest? Rest from the world? To rest would only mean to take some time off, and then come back to finish whatever I left hanging. I want to take a rest, but at the same time, I don't. I don't want to face my past mistakes; my previous life. I don't want to, because I finally left all of them behind, and to come back to them would mean destroying everything I've built so far. 

 

It's not much, but... It's better than living in that room, I guess...

 

I'm not so sure anymore...

 

_ Do you want to give up? _

 

Giving up sounds like a dream. A dream that will never come true, because I'm still alive. And I've tried not to be multiple times. Being suicidal doesn't necessarily mean to actively try to take one's life, but to do nothing to preserve it, as well. Since I am insensible to pain, I have even more reason to not take care of myself. To leave injuries as they are, since they don't bother me. To get myself into trouble, since I can't really sense the consequences of it. Not physical nor emotional. Since I do not understand physical pain, I cannot even fathom the emotional one.

 

**_Do you want to feel even better?_ **

 

The only way to make me feel better would be to feel it. To feel the pain that I couldn't feel. That's what I thought at first. I thought...that if I understood other people and became the same as them, that all my problems would be solved. That I would not have to suffer anymore. That's what I thought.

 

However, as time passed I realized... That the world is not merciful. Humankind is evil, no matter if you're with the majority or not. No matter your skin tone, sexuality, identity... No matter what, you will suffer. You will be discriminated against. Because this world is evil, and rotten, and no one cares for anybody else.

 

If not even family takes care of one another, why should I take care of someone else? Why should I even care for myself?

 

And that is my conclusion.

 

My answer doesn't change.

  
  
  
  


_ Do you want to feel even better?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to give up?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to rest?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Do you want to sleep?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Can I not wake up?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _No _

 

_ Can I stop trying?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _Yes _

 

_ Can I stop now?_ _

 

**_＞Yes_ **

_ _Yes _

 

__

 

**Author's Note:**

> And again, I apologize for the horrible spacing.


End file.
